It’s only my opinion, now…

…but I’m beginning to think that the qualifier “only” is one of the most damaging phrases in the American language. (same goes for “just” as in “it’s just a little thing I did at home”)

Think about it. By adding the word “only” to this sentence you change its whole character:

It’s intended for teenagers, so I strung it on cotton embroidery thread.
It’s only intended for teenagers, so I strung it on cotton embroidery thread.

Until I got into a discussion about it online, I hadn’t really thought about this from a semantic perspective. A woman justified lowering prices for the jewelry she made by putting down, in turn, her work, the small venue, and her customers. And I was struck with how these days it seems that these qualifiers have become an easy way to justify mediocrity, i.e., “My customer/the show/my work isn’t worth it so I did a half-assed job.”

Interestingly, I’ve also observed that many people who denigrate themselves in this way rarely realize that they’re putting themselves down, and they’re astonished when people take them at their word. Certainly this lady was, and spent much of the rest of her dialogue in angry defense.

There’s a cute scene in the Joy Luck Club where one of the Chinese daughters brings her fiancee home to meet her parents. Mom serves a traditional dinner with the traditional modest disclaimers (i.e., putdowns) about her cooking, and the boyfriend takes her at her word. “That’s OK. With a little ketchup it’ll taste just fine…” (and obviously gets the in-law relationship off to a rocky start)

This is probably one of those times where listening to yourself, or at least re-reading what you’ve written, would come in handy. I don’t see the point in doing a mediocre job–I’d rather not do it at all, then–and I don’t want others to think I would. So…I pledge to listen to myself more, and slap myself silly if I catch myself putting down my work, my customers, or anything else with the word “only.”

It’s only fair, after all.

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