SHOW the love, baby

I’m in the process of rebuilding cynthiamorgan.com to give me a business site as well as a fun site (more on that later)…and while wrestling with setup on a new hosting service last night I kept a marathon Food Network session going on background TV. (i.e., television that functions as subliminal entertainment while you do something more worthwhile)

What I mostly (didn’t) watch was Rachel Ray, the perky princess of postprandial paradise, running around spending 40 bucks on a day’s worth of eats. And (not) watching her, I suddenly realized why I don’t much care for her show. It’s not because of the perkiness or the fact that she’s more overexposed than a nudist in a Minnesota winter:

She’s not really a foodie.

Compare her to Nigella Lawson. Both cook, both have cooking shows, both connect food with everyday enjoyment, both are fabulously successful. But in five minutes of watching Nigella I’m convinced that she’s a foodie first, celebrity second. Not so with Ms. Ray.

Here’s the tipoff: Watch them eat.

Nigella eats. She worships the food with her mouth. Licks her fingers. Makes smacking noises. Dribbles stuff down her chin. Drips gravy on her blouse. Talks with her mouth full. Forget making eye contact with the camera; she’s watching the food.

Ms. Ray smiles at the camera. Smiles at the waiter, smiles at the plate, smiles at the camera and then, without losing eye contact, dips into the dish just enough to cover the tip of one tine of her fork. Tastes it with the tip of her tongue–I don’t think she packs enough molecules into that tiny portion to excite a single tastebud. She swoons, sets down her practically untouched fork, smiles into the camera and calmly dissects the ingredients, giving us a play-by-play on the orgasm spasming across her tongue.

Doesn’t so much as muss her lipstick. Obviously, she’s faking it.

Hey. Ms. Ray: It’s ok to eat. Don’t do the medieval I’m-gonna-die-if-I-swallow foodtaster bit. EAT. Go watch some Nigella Lawson reruns and figure out how she does it. ‘Cause right now I’m not even sure you’re tasting the stuff, let alone loving it.

EAT. Show us the love, baby.

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