Burgled…

…well of sleep, anyway.

I’m beginning to think that somebody up there (or maybe down there) thinks sleep is superfluous. Last night around 10:30, faced with a choice of going down the studio and finishing up a sculpture or going to bed, I…actually went to bed. Snuggled in under the covers, I drifted off by 11, which has to be some kind of record.

A piercing shriek at 11:15 and I’m awake. The burglar alarm was letting me know that its battery was low. I hit the cancel button, went back to bed…and 10 minutes later it started up again.

Called the alarm company. “Oh yes,” said the helpful attendant, “sometimes it does that. You have to disconnect the battery or replace it.”

Uhm, I said groggily, and how the hell do I do that? “Oh, it’s easy. Locate the main panel, remove the cover, find the red and black wires, not the black wires or the white wires or the red, black and white wires, and carefully disconnect the lead from the battery pack. Don’t disconnect the wrong wire or you might set off the alarm.”

Now I’m feeling like the bomb squad. Why can’t I just replace the batteries? “You certainly can, if you have a something or other gel pack whatchamacallit batteries on hand.” Well, can’t you just turn this thing off at your end? “No, ma’am, not when the battery’s low.”

Uh-huh. The main panel is at the back of a storage area. Getting to it involves moving a whole bunch of heavy boxes out of the way. Now what?

“Now remove the front panel…” which won’t come off. “Oh, you have to unscrew it. Do you have a little screwdriver?”

Yes, but not a hex driver, which is how they attached the damn cover. I leaned in for a closer look and a box on the top shelf dropped down on my head.

“There’s no need for such language, ma’am. I’ll wait right here while you find a hex driver.”

Instead, I hung up and went back to bed. Discovered that not even I can sleep through piercing shrieks every ten minutes, though I lasted until 2:15. That’s when I got up, went down to the garage and plowed through the toolchests looking for a hex driver or an axe, whichever came first.

I opened the panel, got a flashlight and went looking for red and black wires and finally disconnected them. Blessed silence, and I got back to bed.

At 2:45 am, my usual bedtime. –sigh–

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