Ticket Talker 3000

So, cruising the Web this evening I came across an ad for Ticket Talker, a free iPhone app that helps you talk your way out of a traffic citation. It’s sponsored, the ad says, by ConocoPhilips 76 because “we’re on the driver’s side.”

Uhm….I’m sure the cops will be happy to hear that.

I suspect this is one of those ideas born in the bowels of a late night brainstorm, when the deadline is 9:00 AM, the boss is already on your case for failure to produce, and after no sleep and three too many beers somebody says, “I KNOW! What if we…”

Everyone nods enthusiastically–anything to go home to bed–and another cutting-edge lame “viral” campaign crawls out of the woodwork.

In all fairness, the copywriter did acknowledge that there could be a public image problem with this one, and weasel-worded the copy:

76 gasoline reminds you that the only way to avoid getting a ticket is not to speed. Ever.

But have you wondered if there might be an excuse that could get you out of a ticket? If there is, it could be in here–the Ticket Talker 3000. Download it and you will have a litany of original justifications, rationalizations and outright prevarications at your fingertips. At the very least it will put a smile on the highway patrolman’s face as he hands over your citation.

The Ticket Talker 3000 is another tool from your friends at 76. We’re not just TOP TIER gas, we’re on the driver’s side.

Uh-huh. Go ahead and try it. I’d love to see the smile on the highway patrolman’s face when you do.

Would somebody PLEASE tell all those sophomoric ad execs turned iPhone hipsters and social media bananaramas to go back to the Swedish bikini team?

Next.

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