Save us, George Clooney!
February 9, 2009 by cynthia
Bunch of us were discussing management moments this morning and I contributed a favorite: The large-ish dot-com where I worked had had another Final Downsizing* (I rode all the way to FD No. 7 and not long after the company fizzled).
In this one, FD No. 2 or 3 as I recall, the surviving employees were sent to the company’s big central conference room for a rallying speech by the CEO. The room sported a new giant projection screen on the back wall with a podium, Patton-style, in front. As everyone sat, the CEO stepped into the spotlight.
An ex-Navyman turned salesman, he was short, slight and unimpressive by most standards, but his patter could sell fur coats to polar bears. And his fast Boston twang seemed to mesmerize the Minnesota natives that made up most of the company; they couldn’t out-talk him, so they pretty much gave him his way.
He cleared his throat, “Guys, I know this has been hard. It’s tough to lose friends; when I was in the Navy I learned how hard it was to lose your buddies to war, so I know how you feel. But one thing you learn in the Navy is that even though your friends fall off the boat, you must go on. You must complete your mission so that the sacrifices your buddies made won’t have been in vain.”
“This weekend, my family watched a video which really inspired me. It’s got this bunch of guys in a grim situation, but they’re still a team. They pull together and work their butts off to find a solution. So watch now; when I talk about what this company needs, this is what I mean…”
The screen lit up and we watched George Clooney’s hapless fishing boat take on water in one of the final scenes from A Perfect Storm.
Dead silence.
Then, from the dark, “Uhm… sir, did you watch the movie all the way to end? The ship sinks, sir.”
Cut to a surprised look on the CEO’s face…
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*A Final Downsizing is the absolutely, definitely last layoff the company will do to “realign strategy with the prevailing business climate,” thus persuading employees to stick around and work instead of sending out resumes. In the last big downturn, Final Downsizings occurred about once each quarter. In this one, ominously, companies keep omitting the word “final.”
Classic!
For those of us fortunate to have jobs, downsizing is a concern in this economy. I had a pay cut at the start of this year; the hope is the cuts will allow us to keep our jobs. I work for a fairly large corporation, I’m sure there is ‘fat’ to be cut too….more to come.
At first I thought the CEO you mentioned was going to talk about Ocean 11!!! I think I’d rather have Batman, Superman, or maybe even Capt Kirk come to the rescue. That would be entertaining for me at least.
Have a good day! And thanks for the humor.
Glad you enjoyed it, Kathleen, and I hope you make it–these are scary times. There’s too much of the journalist/observer in me for this kinda stuff, but I gotta admit it comes in handy when you need to distance yourself from the stomach-dropping “oh my god I’m gonna lose my job!” feeling that happens at those moments.
In this particular case I was too busy chuckling to worry about it for several days after. (helped by the fact that–at least according to his bio–the CEO’s “wartime” Navy service occurred when the US was famously NOT at war, and if anyone fell off his boat it was most likely after fiercely battling a sixpack…)