The girlyfication of Cynthia
October 1, 2010 by Cynthia
The airbrush drifted layers of color across my face as I sat, eyes closed. “This is exactly what they do to models before a photo shoot,” the clerk assured me, “When you open your eyes, you won’t believe the transformation…OK…open!”
She was right–I looked at least 40 years older. The airbrush had carefully powder-coated every bit of peachfuzz on my face so that I now had flesh-colored whiskers in really weird places. And where I didn’t have wrinkles, the airbrush had helpfully drawn them in. Hundreds of them.*
“Uhm,” I said carefully, “I don’t think this is exactly what I had in mind…” and the clerk’s face fell. The airbrush system’s around $350, with makeup, but I swear I could achieve a similar effect for $340 less with a little flour, Crisco and a blowdryer.
“It might need time to settle into your skin,” she said hopefully, but I shook my head and moved on. I was in Sephora, I was in girlyfication mode, and looking like a sharpei’s backside simply wasn’t on the menu.
Education apparently was. I haven’t seriously worn makeup in maybe eight years–long story–and the beauty industry has obviously gone on without me. High tech face gadgets were all over the place.
Given my airbrush experience, however, I forbore trying the polisher (which looked for all the world like handheld grinder), the hydrator, the epidermal toner or the do-it-yourself electrolysis kit. Since the idea was to uplevel my packaging, not play Halloween zombie, I also skipped brands with names like Decay and Sick.
That still left me with about a million bewildering choices, so I grabbed a clerk and gave her a list: Foundation, blush, mascara, concealer, pencils, powders and goos. “If it buzzes, stings, zaps, sprays or whirrs,” I warned her, “I’m not buying it.”
By the time we finished, my arms were coated up to the elbow, and I’d learned that lash primer, lash plumper, lash polisher, lash color and lash finisher all need to be heaped on your overburdened eyelashes ALONG with the mascara.**
Who knew? I’m remembering why I stopped wearing makeup.
*I love preserving memories in photos but the airbrushed rendition of me in 40-plus years is one I’d just as soon forget. So no, you don’t get to see a photo.
**And no, I didn’t buy all that stuff. At least for now my eyelashes will have to make do with plain old mascara.
- Cynthia, cat trainer OK, just had to brag a bit, although I'm not sure if...