The girlyfication of Cynthia
October 1, 2010 by Cynthia
The airbrush drifted layers of color across my face as I sat, eyes closed. “This is exactly what they do to models before a photo shoot,” the clerk assured me, “When you open your eyes, you won’t believe the transformation…OK…open!”
She was right–I looked at least 40 years older. The airbrush had carefully powder-coated every bit of peachfuzz on my face so that I now had flesh-colored whiskers in really weird places. And where I didn’t have wrinkles, the airbrush had helpfully drawn them in. Hundreds of them.*
“Uhm,” I said carefully, “I don’t think this is exactly what I had in mind…” and the clerk’s face fell. The airbrush system’s around $350, with makeup, but I swear I could achieve a similar effect for $340 less with a little flour, Crisco and a blowdryer.
“It might need time to settle into your skin,” she said hopefully, but I shook my head and moved on. I was in Sephora, I was in girlyfication mode, and looking like a sharpei’s backside simply wasn’t on the menu.
Education apparently was. I haven’t seriously worn makeup in maybe eight years–long story–and the beauty industry has obviously gone on without me. High tech face gadgets were all over the place.
Given my airbrush experience, however, I forbore trying the polisher (which looked for all the world like handheld grinder), the hydrator, the epidermal toner or the do-it-yourself electrolysis kit. Since the idea was to uplevel my packaging, not play Halloween zombie, I also skipped brands with names like Decay and Sick.
That still left me with about a million bewildering choices, so I grabbed a clerk and gave her a list: Foundation, blush, mascara, concealer, pencils, powders and goos. “If it buzzes, stings, zaps, sprays or whirrs,” I warned her, “I’m not buying it.”
By the time we finished, my arms were coated up to the elbow, and I’d learned that lash primer, lash plumper, lash polisher, lash color and lash finisher all need to be heaped on your overburdened eyelashes ALONG with the mascara.**
Who knew? I’m remembering why I stopped wearing makeup.
——————-
*I love preserving memories in photos but the airbrushed rendition of me in 40-plus years is one I’d just as soon forget. So no, you don’t get to see a photo.
**And no, I didn’t buy all that stuff. At least for now my eyelashes will have to make do with plain old mascara.
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What a boondoggle make-up is. How did we allow ourselves to become convinced we weren’t attractive without tons of goo on our faces? What a racket. I have not worn make-up since I was about 20. It was, at the time, mostly a militant reaction to all the crap women are supposed to do to be attractive while men just had to shower. My own father asked me one day why I didn’t put on some make-up so I would look nice. Excuse me? I think I look just fine without it. Now, to me, it’s such a waste of time and money that so many women put themselves through. And the commercials for mascara these days? Holy cow! When did black eyes and caterpillars on your eyelids become attractive?
I haven’t worn make-up since I was in my twenties, and I’m baffled by why I wore it then. I look in the mirror and feel sad about my age related loss of collagen, the eyelids that have grown heavy and droopy over my eyes, the wrinkles around my mouth and the jowls of age that have me looking remarkably like my mother. Sometimes I think it’s time to start concealing these changes, then I think fuck that! I earned every gray hair, wrinkle, jowl and age spot. I think I’ll wear them proudly as badges of a life lived. But I have to admit that my rebellion does not include an embracing of how quickly I’ve found myself in the latter years of my life.
I hate the cosmetic industry and the fashion industry. They market youth and thin and the products that are ‘must haves’ to be youthful and thin so ubiquitous and hard. They’ve also fueled a whole new social phenomenon of people hating themselves for not being that unattainable standard. We spending fortunes on cosmetics, and are killing ourselves with eating disorders, drug addictions and crazy ass, mutilating and deforming plastic surgeries.
Clearly I’ve got some feeling about this topic. Yes?
Sorry about the misplaced ubiquitous. I meant that the marketing is ubiquitous.
Good cleanser and moisturizer then only loose powder mineral foundation, eyeliner pencil, mascara (brown) and my latest favorite thing lip plumper lip gloss. I can set you up with my friend Fez (a.k.a. Brendan) who had to close his store. Nordstroms just snapped him back up and he’s on to bigger and better things, but I’m sure he’d still do a private consultation with you
with stuff he sold in his store.
Hey, a little bondo, Bullseye frit (powder, of course) in the right place, and spot application of a 4000 grit diamond pad and your good to go.
Makeup? Bleah. I wear it maybe once a year, just for the shock on DH’s face. I have dim memories of waking up in college with raccoon circles around my eyes from mascara – and remember crying with that stuff on your lashes? What’s the point?? It’s just another mask – and I’m not afraid of who I am and what I look like. My current struggle is whether or not to color my hair. I would love to get it back to the bright-ish red that it was when I was very young, but on the other hand I feel rather proud of the grey that’s appeared lately.
Gee girls, I just don’t understand all the ranting. I just love my ruby red cherry flavored lipstick, my lace ivy black silks, and stiletto pointy toes. And the hip-hugger skirt in red silk ruffles short-in-the-front, long red fur trimmed trailer just sends the guys wild. . . .
Hey, huh?
I live not too far from Ibiza, and I’ve seen it all. Unfortunately.
There is a market out there.
aghast, again.
sunny
cynthia, if you really want to do makeup on occasion, try the bare minerals makeup. i haven’t worn make up much in 24 yrs – when my daughter was born – and while i love eyeshadow i hate the time it takes to do makeup. the bare minerals foundation stuff is soooo easy to put on, add a small amount of eyeshadow and i’m done – 10 min tops!
Mineral makeup? Hey, Cynthia… just let me know what you need and I’ll scrape some power off an inconspicuous spot of some of my specimens. Just watch out for that pale powder that comes from Plattnerite.
I remember one of the joys working in a motel was delivering breakfast. The dolly bird type sales reps that looked so beautiful and sexy first thing in the morning, before they put the make up on.
Peter.
Yep, that morning before thing, Peter, that’s me.