Toothmarks in the fruitbowl

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Found large, rodent-shaped toothmarks on apples in the fruit bowl on Mom’s kitchen counter, with a trail of knocked-over orchids, the paper towel holder, a few glasses…

I’d seen a squirrel at the kitchen windows the day before, leaping at the screens in a desperate bid to get in, and occasionally some odd scuffling noises on the roof.

Absent any evidence of a burglar with really strange teeth (and stranger eating habits), I think it’s safe to assume that the squirrel achieved his goal.

This is disturbing.

I’m not anxious to share living space with a bushy-tailed rat. No matter how cute and endearing they are OUTside, I am against awakening to squirrel poop on my pillow. I have visions of sticking my hand in a cupboard and drawing it out with a squirrel attached.*

Leptospirosis. Fleas. Salmonella. Rabies. CALL THE EXTERMINATOR!!! NOW!!!!

Mom takes a more casual approach. “I’ll get out the squirrel trap. Put a little peanut butter in it, and we’ll be fine. Your brother-in-law wants more squirrels up at their place on the mountains, so we’ll take him up there.”

ARE YOU KIDDING? CALL THE EXTERMINATOR!

Just because the squirrel stopped in for a quick tour and bite to eat doesn’t mean he stopped out again. There is quite likely a squirrel watching me as I type. Waiting for me to have a shareable breakfast.*

I realize that, as a rational, modern-day, animal-loving American, I should be applauding the squirrel’s prowess and determination. I should be sympathetic to his needs, realize that squirrels were here long before humans, and be willing to share my space with one of God’s Fellow Creatures. I should review all those cute watch-the-squirrel-figure-out-the-birdfeeder videos on YouTube and relax.

CALL THE BLOODY EXTERMINATOR NOW!!


*For those who haven’t met me (or read my thoughts on this subject): The Wilderness and I do NOT play well together. Most people think of a mountain hike as a chance to commune with the beauties of nature. I think, “covered in mud, stung by wasps, bitten by a rattlesnake, eaten by bears.” 

My other name for “home” is “place where The Wilderness is NOT allowed.” The idea that The Wilderness has invaded is, uhm…unsettling.

2017-07-03T14:23:52+00:00

3 Comments

  1. ellen abbott May 18, 2017 at 6:44 am - Reply

    I’ve chased a juvenile possum, a young squirrel, and several snakes out of my house, not all at the same time.

  2. kathryncecelia May 17, 2017 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    I concur with Diana and Mom. Trap the too-smart-of-his-own-good rodent and relocate him, if he lasts. I trap and relocate squirrels, but put out death traps for rats and it’s all because of the tail. But I digress. I’ve probably trapped 30 or more squirrels at/around our home, several die from fright, as they have a high metabolism anyway and being trapped really amps it up. I don’t like the critter dead, but I am rid of it them. I do wonder if I should put him in the trash or yard waste… tho he isn’t plant material his decomp would be organic and Tacoma is all about recycling. Good luck on however you do it.

  3. Diana tillotson May 17, 2017 at 11:09 am - Reply

    She’s right the squirrel trap will work, better than the exterminator, cheaper too. Much experience here.

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