In keeping with the holiday season (and with apologies to Clement Moore):
‘Twas the night before Christmas and out in my shop
I cast, fused and ground ’til I thought I would drop.
Glass vessels, glass sculptures, glass plates and wall hangings
Glass pendants, glass earrings: Glass orders, outstanding.
“Deliver tonight!” I cried, feeling blue;
“Or I’ll never get paid and my Christmas is through!”
My family—those rats—were all snug in their beds
While I labored and toiled, filling orders instead.
Then down in my kiln, there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the grinder to see what’s the matter.
Away to the readout, I flew like a flash,
I hit the stop button! My new kiln went CRASH!
“A relay! It failed me!” I cried with a groan,
“A thermal shock nightmare! My glass, it’s all blown!”
“Oh help me, dear spirits,” I sobbed and I moaned,
“Please fix the kiln now, or my last hope has flown.”
When what, to my wondering eyes, should appear
But a big bathtub kiln, pulled by tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, in boots, cap and whip
Who urged his steeds forward at a very fast clip.
“Now Grozier, now Grinder! Now Plaster and Billet!
On Mullite, on Clamshell! On Breaker and Cullet!”
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The kiln crashing through to land on my stoop.
“Oh @#$*!)@#@*@#$” said the jolly old elf,
“If you call Santa Glass, you really should make sure your roof is reinforced.”
“You’re out of meter,” I said with glare righteous,
“Can you fix my new kiln? If not, I’ll press charges.”
“Now, let’s not be hasty,” he said, the old jerk;
Pulling off the controller, he got right to work.
A few minutes later he looked up and smiled,
“Here is your problem, NOT relays gone wild,”
“Your kiln is on strike ’til you give it some class.”
“YES, YES” blinked the readout, “I’M TIRED OF YOUR GLASS.”
“ALL BLING AND NO SUBSTANCE,” it continued to blink,
“THERE’S TOO MUCH DICHROIC WHICH FRANKLY JUST STINKS.”
“The kiln is a critic?” I cried, feeling teary,
“Five thousand bucks for a kiln that’s a jury?”
“Now, now,” soothed old Santa, “The solution’s dead easy,”
“Just let the kiln help you build style, fresh and breezy.”
“YES, YES, WE’LL BE PARTNERS,” the kiln blinked with glee,
“I’LL HELP YOU GET BETTER! KID, JUST STICK WITH ME!”
So that night we started to revamp my style
And lo and behold! Gallery owners, they smiled!
The prizes! The orders! The juries, they loved me!
My work was soon seen in PBS document’ries!
So this year I’m planning for my kiln to be thanked
I’ll get it a buddy with the money I’ve banked.
A lovely new kiln for my kiln to harass
A nice thank you gift, straight from old Santa Glass.