Toadbutt

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Yesterday a girl ran headlong down the aisle at the Container Store, skidding to a halt about five inches from my belly.

She was maybe 17, a blue-eyed brunette dressed like a tree. (Typical glasslander costume: Nondescript fabric in grey, brown and moss, none too clean, shaggy so you’re not quite sure there’s a girl in there and a couple of holes thrown in for spice.) She took a deep breath and opened her mouth all the way back to her tonsils.

“TODD (last name withheld out of pity) IS A SCUM-SUCKING TOADBUTT ASSHOLE,” she screamed, loud enough for the shower curtains to vibrate in sympathy.

I blinked. “Uhm… thank you for sharing?”

While I’ve had some interesting encounters in Portland’s retail establishments, her fast lesson in Todd’s unfortunate proclivities ranks as one of the more unusual. I waited, smiling slightly, hoping to learn more of the hapless Todd.

She snorted. “He’s just all….” Then she blushed, and giggled. “He’s my boyfriend. We had a fight. Sorry.”

She turned, and ran back the way she came.

2016-05-15T23:50:49+00:00

6 Comments

  1. Jayne Cornelis February 12, 2010 at 7:09 am - Reply

    Oh! the days of innocent youth, where we lived with no abandonment.

  2. Linda Steider February 11, 2010 at 9:34 am - Reply

    I love what people do. You’re lucky enough to catch a lot of it, lol!

  3. robin g February 10, 2010 at 9:52 am - Reply

    Too funny! Your blogs just crack me up on a regular basis. Thank you and I love the pic.

  4. cynthia February 10, 2010 at 9:49 am - Reply

    Finer than frog’s hair, eh? Thank you.

    Ellen, I’m not sure what I do to encourage these encounters, but I seem to have them frequently. It may be because I walk aimlessly through the kingdom of weird with a vacant, receptive expression. But even when I was living in New York, home of “hunker down like a rat and DO NOT LOOK at the guy next to you,” this stuff happened. Go figure.

  5. ellen abbott February 10, 2010 at 9:32 am - Reply

    Nothing like that EVER happens to me.

  6. gary February 10, 2010 at 8:25 am - Reply

    That, my dear, is a fine blog entry!

Comments welcome! (thanks)

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