“Are you here for your feet?” The voice was shy, a little quavery, and I couldn’t find its owner with a quick scan of Kaiser’s orthopedics waiting room. It was late in the day and the place was pretty much deserted, so it shouldn’t have been hard to find. […]
If this summer has taught me anything, it's that normal takes a helluva lot more time. It's been almost three months since Elmo-the-total-knee-replacement and I announced our joint partnership (heh-heh). While I can't say I'm as good as new, I'm at least 200 percent better than before surgery. "More like 2,000 percent," snorts a co-worker, "I used to wonder if you'd [...]
Meet Elmo, a contraption of titanium and silicone, now serving as my left knee My summer didn't include writing about it, which you may have noticed. Sometimes your summers are lazy, where you spend your days in a hammock, listening to the ice melt in your lemonade. You can write about that. Or renovation summers, where the whine of the [...]
Dear The Knee (“TK”); It is with great regret that we inform you that your position as Left Knee for Cynthia Morgan, Human Organism has been made redundant. Beginning Monday, July 13, 2015, all left knee functionality will be managed by a Zimmer Biomet NextGen machine and so your services will no longer be required. […]
"Do anything exciting tonight?" asked my friend Clarissa. ...except that Clarissa isn't really her name. "You writing about this the way you did LAST time?" she asked. I said, well, maybe... "Then don't you DARE use my name. Last time ******** couldn't stop laughing. He said ********** and I didn't know about ********** and that maybe I should ************." (Portions redacted to protect her identity) "I [...]
I want y'all to know I am NOT doing my taxes right now. Please notice the date. Yup. Procrastinating again. (No gloating, Shelby) Dear dear DEAR Mr. Taxman, I PROMISE that right after I post this, I will definitely tackle finding all those scattered notices and W-whatnots and receipts and stuff and get them all sorted and parceled out and jammed into proper little piles of regimented columns in the tax program so [...]
“I wouldn’t exactly call that SUBTLE,” Markie said doubtfully. “Blue. Subtle. Exactly,” I said firmly, so she set to work. By noon, the fading green stripe on my head had been joined by a SUBTLE navy blue fringe peeking out from under my ears. OK, maybe it’s not all that subtle. Maybe it looks as if I mummified my body [...]
Oh yeah. THAT stripe. It's kinda hard to miss, and getting a fair number of puzzled looks. Apparently other folk, venturing into rainbow hair color, start small. They polychrome a tiny curl at the nape of the neck, or tuck a pastel lock back behind the ear. Me? Naaah. If I'm gonna dye my hair the color of a thousand [...]
“At bird shows, you look up,” he said, pointing up to rafters filled with imaginary avian escapees. “At dog shows? You look DOWN!” And everyone chuckled. I didn’t get the joke until later, when I narrowly avoided a fresh canine surprise–eeeuw!–while trying to retain my dignity by not saying stuff like “uzzums wuzzums GOOD BOY, uzzums wuzzums DOGGIE?” to every [...]
Pro-cras-tin-ay-shun Pro-cras-tin-ay-ay-shun Is makin' you wait Keepin' you way-ay-ay-ay-ay-a-tinnnnn.... So this is supposed to either be a recap of last year and a promise of the new or just a promise of the new or SOME such fresh look at this blog in 2015. Except that I'm not much of a conformer. ;-) From a Myers-Briggs perspective (well, technically, from a Keirsey perspective, [...]
